The Little Blogger That Could… And Will

I’m losing a little sleep tonite because I just volunteered for the opportunity to write my first review type blog entry!

The best part? I get to go to a really cool place. I’m welcome to take my children. I can even bring my husband!

I’ve never done this before…

There are no real rules, except that I get to go to this cool place and then all I have to do is write about it on my blog, twitter and/or facebook. That’s not a big deal, right?

In fact, it should be so easy because I KNOW I will love this place and what it has to offer on this occasion.

But here’s what was keeping me up:

I don’t want to ramble on about how much I really, really, really like this place. And how I really, really, really enjoyed what they had there.

I want to be helpful, real, and honest. Am I over-thinking this? YES. Might I write this and all of it fall on zero ears anyway? MAYBE. But what if it doesn’t?

So I had to dig deep to discover my method of determining how to write my review. And I found it!

When I go anywhere or do anything with my kids and I recommend it to my very best friend, I first tell her how much my kids did or did not like it. That’s all it takes to pass on a good recommendation to another parent: Pretend you’re telling your best friend. You wouldn’t steer your best friend wrong, right?

So when I tell my best friend what I thought of something, I first tell her from the perspective of each of my kids. My boys can be pretty complicated and mature about certain things, but when it comes to liking an activity, their thoughts are simple and to the point. If one of my boys wrote a review, it would likely be a brief rating, one they would remember the next time I told them they were going to go to or do it again.

I have two boys. Right now they are 9 and 4. Now, if you have, say girls, the opinion of boys might not be of help, but you could certainly use their opinion as a reference point. Let’s say you do have boys, but they are neither 9 nor 4, you can at least imagine how they were or will be at one of these ages. What I can give you straight is my opinion, as a parent, based on the reactions of my children to the event and how happy it made me.

Now take the word “Happy”. I still vow to only tell you how much I liked something. When it comes to posting about my opinion on the Internet, I abide by the motto of Thumper’s mommy: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. (Unless of course it’s dangerous or disgusting). That’s just me though. I still depend heavily on hardcore, no holds barred, opinions and reviews to make many decisions.

Below is the rating scale for each of my children which, in turn, determines my happiness as a parent. They are dubbed by each child’s nickname. On a scale of 5 to 1, 5 would be the best possible scenario this mother could ask for. Each rating is based on actual words my children have used to clue me in on their honest opinion.

The E.E. Muck Muck Rating (Our 9 year old son)

5 – Do we have to go home?

4 – I can’t wait to tell my friends!

3 – Where are we going next week?

2 – Can I play your phone?

1 – Can we leave now?

The Turkey Rating (Our 4 year old son)

5 – I don’t wanna go home!

4 – I can’t wait to tell Nite-Nite Puppy!

3 – Did you bring me a snack?

2 – Can I play your phone?

1 – This is BOOOOR-ing!

I, myself, do not have a rating system. My satisfaction with a place, item, or experience is cut and dry. I either lose my mind or I don’t. As long as my kids are happy, I don’t lose my mind. And as long as I don’t lose my mind, I will have something nice to say. Call me a Positive Percy, but I want readers to want a great experience. If necessary, I’ll even throw in a tip or two on how to make you’re experience better than mine.

My first review comes out next month and I hope you’ll check it out. If your child has a rating scale, I’d like to know what it is!

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

Martha Asks Martha: How do I live with a Bunk Bed?

If you’ve read my past blog on bunk beds then you know the daily battles my son and I engaged in with making this bed. Sure, bunk beds are fun for kids, but not fun for the person who has to make them. I told my 8 year old son it was his job to make the bed himself and I actually felt bad for him. He was getting just as hurt and frustrated as I was in this task, and he’s half my size!

Some of my readers (loving family and friends) suggested that I use a sleeping bag instead. This is a great idea! However, we have character comforters out the ying-yang and I’m way to stubborn to let them go. Plus, I dread the sound of zippers clancking around in my dryer. Yes, I’m a stubborn gal!

So if you aren’t as stubborn as I am, start with a sleeping bag. Because I’m so stubborn, I decided to try one more thing before giving in to retiring a brand new Star Wars: The Clone Wars comforter and sheet set.

IMPORTANT! Before reading this and possibly taking my advice, please remember that this solution, similar to a sleeping bag, was tested out on an 8-year-old capable of getting out of a sleeping bag in an emergency. Do not use this solution with a child that would not be able to do so. Thank You.

So, we have tested and approved this method ever since the first blog post of my whining and complaining came out. Since the test, we have kept the method and my son makes his bed every morning without an injury and I am about as happy as a domestic engineer can get each morning (please add coffee).

This is our “Method to Making the Lower Bunk of a Bunk Bed” (dun dun dun!):

What you’ll need –

• The twin comforter of your choice!
• The twin sheets of your choice!
• Zip ties (YES! Zip Ties! Sometimes called Cable Ties)
• Pair of tough scissors

That’s it! The best thing about zip ties is that they are CHEAP. I bought mine at an unnamed superstore for under $2.50 for a pack of 50. A pack of 50 could last you about 4 months if you change the bedding once a week. Imagine how much money you’ll save in bandaids, antiseptics, ice packs and therapy (from all the emotional damage the old fashioned way will cause you). I won’t disclose how often I change out ours. There’s no judging here!

First thing you want to do is lay out your kid’s bedding on the floor UPSIDE DOWN, preferably next to the bed itself. Lay the Comforter down first, then any extra winter blankets, then your flat sheet (remember, ALL upside down).

Now fold the foot of the bedding sandwich over, only to the length of the twin mattress. This helps preserve the character theme of your comforter, the whole reason you spend $29.99+, right?!

We severed Obi Wan and Anakin's head's off when we did it the old way...

Everytime you do this, you will need only 3 zip ties. Yes, just three. This allows for the child to throw off unwanted layers on warmer nights.

Zip tie the two bottom corners nice and tight so that the blankets never pull free. Yes, this will leave a thicker mound at the foot of the bedding, but your elbows will thank you in the end.

Now the last zip tie goes on the top corner that is used the least for entering the bed. Remember that your bedding is upside down right now, so think about which upper corner will end up on the entrance side. My son’s bed is against the wall and he is forced to enter on the left side. Easy-peasy!

Here’s an important thing to note: Once the ties are pulled tight, you’ll may feel the desire to cut off the excess tie. If you do so (which we do) be sure to cut as close as possible to avoid sharp plastic edges that can scratch. So far, my son has not been scratched whatsoever. Also, turn them in toward the bed and not facing out, if you’re extra worried about little scratches. And please make sure your bedding is out of the cutting zone! I say this because I came close to cutting the bedding fabric. Whoa!

Now you have to teach your kid to make the bed, because now it’s so easy, you no longer need to do it for them! Leave enough space between the bed and the wall so your kid can throw the far ends over the bed and tuck them down. My kid sleeps in a tornado fashion. If yours does too, he or she may need to tuck under and smooth out that bumpy foot of the bed sometimes. The rest is just smoothing the top so mommy and daddy can say “oooh” and “ahhh” when they walk in.

Oh hi, Obi Wan and Anakin! There you are!

To clean your blankets, simply cut off and discard the zip ties and repeat the whole method again with new ties. Be sure not to cut your blankets when removing the ties!

I hope this helps! My kid loves it. I love it! My 4 year old has a regular twin bed, but if he follows in his brother’s tornado steps, I’ll use the same method to help him keep the blankets in line.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

I Kid You Not! – Pants Scared Offeth

The accounts of the following events are all factual. You can’t make this stuff up. Well, you could make this stuff up, I suppose. But I didn’t. This really did happen. I know, some movies claim they are based on true events, then you find out the only true events were that a man and a woman were in a house and the rest is fiction. None of this is fiction, so you’ll just have to take my word for it. If you dare…

So, last year, I was going to blog about some old-school stuff we had in the house that I love so much that I will never part with them. One was a toy, another was a CD and the last was a book. This particular book is called “The Sick of Being Sick Book”. It’s one of my favorites because it’s a unique book of humor and quips about how to be sick when you’re sick. The reason this book played a big part in my life was because, well, I was always sick. I had asthma as a child and usually spent time at my Grandma’s house on sick days so my mom could still go to work. “The Sick of Being Sick Book” was one of my favorites to bring along with me and so I read it over and over and over. As I said, I was going to write about this book, a CD and a toy last year, but then the holidays hit and the three items were just sort of floating around the house. Not literally. That would be creepy.

Eventually, the CD made its way to the entertainment center cabinet. The toy, an extremely annoying toy, made it to the basement. (I’ve kept it for sentimental reasons.) And the book, well, I kept it out for my 9-year-old son, who had read it a few years back but is rarely sick, and maybe he would want to read it again sometime soon. So here’s this really old book just jumping around the house for the last two months…

I love books! So much that I follow some of the most intriguing children’s authors on Twitter and, once in a while, pester them with my bizarre and insightful comments or questions. Earlier this week, my four-year-old wanted to play with a gently used solar system kit we purchased at a second hand store. He loves it because each planet has two pieces you snap together, so he likes to put things inside the planets and pretend that gives them special “powers”. For this activity, I wanted to play in the dining room, which is usually reserved for puzzles and holiday dinner set up. So, it’s been a while since we’ve spent time in this room.

As my son became more involved in his imaginary play, and my purpose of snapping all the planets together had withered away, I decided to catch up on my email, Twitter and Facebook on my iPhone.

I followed author R.L. Stine one day, a while back, for one reason and one reason only, I once knew a kid who was obsessed with the “Goosebumps” series. I had never read any of the books but I do remember when the television series started on Friday nights. So, I followed R.L. Stine.

I enjoy his Tweets daily. He often Tweets random shots of information that I like to repeat to my family in a clever fashion. For example, he Tweeted that you have to get permission from both countries before being allowed to tightrope across Niagara Falls. That’s cool stuff to spout out, if you ask me.

So, while I was perusing my Twitter Timeline on this particular day, I caught R.L. Stine’s Tweet this week saying this:

Is this the worst TV interview show ever?

Why am I on it?? http://tinyurl.com/7r6n2v4

It made me snicker, of course. And I had to see what it was all about.

However, my iPhone hates me. I have stored way too many videos of my kids on it, and my computer refuses to download them because of their size. So any time I try to watch a YouTube video, I plan to go make myself a sandwich while waiting for it to load. Then I eat the sandwich and sometimes, just sometimes, I go grab a kosher pickle as well. The other day I wanted to hear the Ants/Picnic song from Garfield and Friends and I gave up after 2 minutes because I wasn’t hungry.

On this particular day that I was sitting with my child, who was perfectly happy telling each planet what their powers were, I decided to tap on the link R.L. Stine provided and find out what the heck his comment was referring to. I wondered, “Was Mr. Stine interviewed without his knowledge?” and then thought, “Does he not remember being interviewed?”

I had to know. So I waited as the link turned to YouTube and I was mesmerized by the blinking asterisk of death in the lower right hand corner of my phone. As YouTube opened up, I dropped my shoulders and began to pout. The first thing I thought was, “Nevermind, I’ll just watch it later on my laptop,” which I knew would never happen. I looked over at my happy child swinging Uranus by a string and making whoosh whoosh sounds and something in me decided to go ahead and wait for the video to load. With no time to grab a sandwich, the video loaded! I found this odd. Now, if you click on that link above, the one that R.L. Stine tempted the Twitter world with, you’ll be taken to an interview between Mr. Stine himself and a gentleman by the name of George Kareman. I thought the interview was hilarious, but I have a disturbed sense of humor so you’ll have to decide for yourself.

The crazy part about this interview was the small bit of information I learned from it. Information so unexpected that I felt compelled to Tweet back to R.L. Stine. Mr. Kareman brings up the fact that R.L. Stine was a comedy writer before writing the “Goosebumps” series. Stine confirms this and says that his joke books were written under the name Jovial Bob Stine.

I was totally surprised! Not only did I know the name Jovial Bob Stine, I knew I had some of his joke books as a kid! I was so excited to learn this that I Tweeted to R.L. Stine that I was excited to learn this! Ohmagosh!

Now, I don’t usually expect people on Twitter to respond so I just sat there trying to think of where those books were now. (My poor mom is always on the hunt for things I remember randomly.) As I sat there thinking about it and listening to whoosh whoosh and pzzzt pzzzt from my four year old, I looked down and focused on a book sitting on the table in front of me – a table I rarely sit at. It was the book that has been floating around my house for the last two months. Remember that book? It’s called “The Sick of Being Sick Book” and it’s written by Jovial Bob Stine and Jane Stine.

Talk about getting goosebumps! I was Fer-Reaking out! I mean, what are the odds that I’m sitting directly in front of this book at this particular moment only to find that this particular author on this particular day shares this particular interview containing this particular bit of information pertaining to said book? This is no joke!

It was so freaky that I had to call my mom and ask her why this was happening to me! I needed to be pinched, pretty hard. I also had to take a picture of the book and Tweet it off to R.L. Stine. He was nice enough to respond, Tweeting:

@MarthaaaFish Wow. I haven’t seen that book in a long, long time! How strange.

Strange for him or strange for me? I was weirded out the remainder of the morning and I’m weirded out just recalling it now. I must have picked that book up a hundred times to make sure it was real. I just picked it up again. Yes, it’s real. So now I have a second reason for never getting rid of this book. You just can’t make up a creepy story like this, you know. Well, you could. But I didn’t.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

P.S. My son has not read a “Goosebumps” book yet. If I tell him this story, he may never read one. I’ll hold off a little longer. When I’m ready for waking up to screaming in the middle of the night, then I’ll encourage him to give one a chance. For now, I’ll enjoy my sleep.

 

Is Martha Fish Gone?

Just a couple of people have outright asked this but the answer is no. Just in case you, too, were wondering. 

Although I disappear randomly, I’ve been coming back for over 7 years now. This last intermission was due to the holidays. I still have one more week of refereeing my children then it’s back to working out my New Year’s Resolution plan, writing my brains out, and Keeping up with the Kardanshians. Well, let’s change out the latter with Reading. I’m devoting this year to reading and a LOT more writing. Of course, there are the responsibilities that life brings, but writing and reading is easily inspired by the people around me and if I can get them involved, I can make it seem less me-focused.

My kids love to read. Sadly for my 9 year old, he gets car sick if he attempts to read even a comic strip, but he’ll do it anyway with the windows down in 17 degree weather. The 4 year old is currently reading “Bad Kitty” books and checking my grocery list each week to see if he approves of the snacks. Why was I in such a hurry for him to read?

I am devoted to reading to my kids every other night of the week. If they want my attention, they know to bring a book with them. If they want to stay up just a little later, I merely have to walk in on them reading a book and I am putty in their hands.

This year we are going to take on a reading challenge I found out about by following @BethFishReads on Twitter.

Check out the details here—>  http://www.bethfishreads.com/2011/11/whats-in-name-5-sign-up.html

The challenge consists of reading 6 books this year from 6 different title categories. The terms of the titles are predetermined for you, all you have to do is get creative and find books that fall into the catergories.

Then what?

READ!

If you find yourself asking people what you should read next, this could be a great way to find some great titles. What intrigued me first was the challenge in finding the qualifying titles. My kids will love that!

Click on the link and you’ll see that I’ve already signed up and commented that my boys will be taking the challenge on as well. I hope you’ll follow along with us as we post our picks and our reviews of our picks. For my children’s sake of experience, we will utilize the library as much as possible. Since I am a collector of books (more on that this year), I am sure we will end up purchasing our favorites and those we cannot find in our library’s collection.

In between this challenge I will still have my same old Marthaaaaa posts of life and family, because without those posts I’m am only reading and this year is my writing year.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

P.S. I hope you’ll consider taking on the challenge as well. And if you do, I wanna know the titles you pick! So let me know if you sign up and write reviews so I can follow you back. If you just do it in your own private time, I still want to know what titles you would or do pick.

 

 

Ho Ho Horror: My life with Santa

Hey! I’ve just been notified that this is my 50th blog post! And to celebrate such another glorious occasion, I am going to complain about something my Mother-in-Law gave to me.

I don’t remember how long ago it was, but I know I had at least one child when my Mother-in-Law gave us something for the Christmas holiday that, to this day, I will never be able to get used to. The worst part about this “thing” is that my husband will not let a year go by without bringing it out for Christmas! The only logical explanation of why my husband would want to keep this thing around? —> Just because I wanted it gone.

This is what the “thing” is:

It’s a four-foot-tall jolly Santa Clause that not only sings and dances, but it doubles as a karaoke machine.

The Jolly Man

Now, I believe my Mother-in-Law when she said she was giving it to us because the kids would love it. They truly do. But after the encounters I have had with this thing, I would have preferred one of the following for my kids:

5 billion Legos

Old school playdough that never comes out of the carpet

A box of Sharpie markers

Cymbals

For the most part, Santa is a docile and harmless Christmas decoration. But, for the most part, I am terrified of animatronics, especially those that are humanesque. I received a large doll when I was little and the thing was as big as me. And when I saw it for the first time, I ran screaming to the bathroom and shut the door.

When I was young, I watched The Twilight Zone. There are two episodes I fear the most:

“Living Doll” – where a guy can’t get a child’s doll to shut up

“The After Hours” – where a lady gets trapped in a department store and all the mannequins come to life

OH, I just Googled it, and apparently I have a slight case of Automatonophobia.

So, let’s go back to Santa. For the most part, I am at home during the day. Although it’s bright and sunny outside, it is also pin drop quiet in the house. Sometimes my kids like to turn Santa on before they go to school and sometimes they forget to shut him off. Did I mention that Santa has a motion activation setting? Did I mention if someone walks by our house, my dog walks to the window (where Santa is standing) and sets Santa off?

There’s nothing more frightening, in the middle of the day, than sitting in a quiet house and then suddenly hearing a VERY deep voice in the house with you. It freaks me out every time. Talk about ‘Fight or Flight’, I’m usually half-way out the back door before I realize where the voice is coming from.

There’s two more things that scare me about our Santa. Let me skip forward to storage time. We keep Santa in a storage box for the year until it’s time to take him out again. And, trust me, not a year goes by that someone doesn’t remember to take him out. He’s not even in a green and red bin. What I put him in (what he fits in) is a long blue bin about 3.5 feet long. Santa can be shortened to half a Santa and he fits perfectly in this bin. Let me tell you, every year I put Santa in this blue, very coffin-like, container and place him in the dark corner of our basement. And every November I am almost certain that, if he should come alive, he will jump out of that coffin and be very angry at me for putting him there. I honestly must admit that it crosses my mind every year when I go to take him out.

Okay, here’s the last reason why Santa is my most unfavorite decoration in the world. If you stand at the sink in the kitchen at my house, turn two notches to the right and look toward the hallway. This is what you see:

He's thinking about eating my brains

This is the first time my Mother-in-Law will read about the terror she has caused me, but I do have to say that good old creepy Santa is probably still here because I’m starting to feel a little attached to him. I mean, he’s been with us for at least 5 years now. I guess you could say he’s just another Christmas Tradition to add to the list.

It's not his fault I'm a wuss

Besides, if I really wanted Santa gone, there are plenty of “accidents” that could have happened by now.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

P.S. No Mother-in-Laws were hurt in the writing of this blog. I warned her before posting and she said we can still keep Santa.

 

Do you fancy an Independent Bookstore?

Have you heard of Book Talk Nation yet? If not, check it here —> www.booktalknation.com

“Why?” you ask.

Because it’s only the coolest thing since a peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwich (as my 4 year old would put it). Unless you have nut allergies, which my 9 year old takes very seriously. As it should be. In which case, let me know what your PBJ&B equivalent is.

Back to Book Talk Nation. I was elated to be a part of something kinda cool and kinda new. As I’ve said before, my favorite writers growing up were Judy Blume, Roald Dahl, Ann M. Martin and Louis Sachar. When @rachelvailbooks Tweeted that she would be interviewing author Judy Blume, I was pretty excited to involve my 8 year old (at the time) who has read Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, Superfudge, and Fudge-A-Mania with me. Although I realize you can watch any famous person, or any non-famous person for that matter, get interviewed on television and pretty much DVR and experience it whenever you like, I must admit I was intrigued by listening in on a phone interview for several reasons:

• I had never done it before
• The interview was with an author whose books I adore
• The interview was in Real Time
• Each individual interview is coupled with an Independent Bookstore (which is important to me) from which you can purchase autographed books by the author interviewed. Saweeet!
• It gave me an opportunity to introduce my son to something he may not have realized yet: Authors are people too!

The experience was amazing! I think I was smiling the whole time. It was kind of like the time I met Steve Guttenburg at Ed Debevic’s in Beverly Hills. He was so nice to us and he even asked me what grade I was in! It took all my guts to tell him I was in college. Boy, I should have worn make up back then…

It was a little strange at first, listening in to the interview. My son asked me to come see something and I said, “Hold on. I’m on the phone,” which was true, but kinda not. Then we had to head to the gym (I almost forgot it was spinning night!) so I put the phone on speaker in the van. The 8 year old shushed the 4 year old. They have NOT been that quiet in the van for at least 4 months now! It was intense. My 8 year old had caught on that this was the call in to the Judy Blume interview and hung on to every word.

To listen to an author you admire, talking about their writing trials, tribulations, inspirations and success really makes an impact on how you spend your time writing, and reading for that matter. I’m proud of the way I write and I write for my kids first. If it doesn’t make them happy, I know I’m not going to make anyone happy about what they just read. And that’s all I want. When I don’t write, ask my husband, I’m a hot mess of soup sandwich. I go through withdrawls.

I wish I could tell you everything that was said in the interview, but it’s truly an experience you can’t imitate, reiterate or DVR and watch later. You have to, literally, hear it for yourself.

Check out the website. Tell them you want more! Tell them who you want to hear!

And for goodness sakes, tell your favorite independently owned bookstore about it. I did!

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

All I want for Christmas… Are some cards

The thing I love about the months of November and December, which make up the Holiday Season, is checking the mail.

If you love getting holiday cards, you know what I’m talking about. This is that time of year that I have more than a 50% chance of getting something other than bills, ads, and one of the two magazine subscriptions that I never read. (Yes, I donate or recycle)

So, if I expect to look forward to all of these envelopes of joy at the end of each year, I had better reciprocate.

There are so many cute cards out there! I love them all. The sincere. The giggle. The prayer. Santa with his head stuck in the chimney. The family photo. The photo collage. Once in a while I get The cashola!

But it’s that feeling I get on my way to the mailbox that keeps me sending out our own cards out each year. It took a while, but I finally have a system for sending out cards. I always purchase our photo collage cards from Walgreens when they bust out a great online coupon code. I usually try to include a photo that shows each of my boys in his individuality, whether it be goofy or sweet. Then I find a picture or two that shows my boys not strangling each other. And finally, we include a family portrait that shows the children have not taken over and the grown-ups are still in control. When I bring the cards home, I use my nifty Christmas card address database to fill out all the envelopes. Then I line the envelopes up with my little assembly line of stamps, photo collage cards, and school pictures (for the grandparents, aunts and uncles).

This organized approach makes it easy for me to complete the task of sending out Christmas cards and then I can run to the mailbox each day as the cards to us start pouring in.

Only, there was a problem this year. Although we have tons of photos of all the places we have been this year, we somehow managed to take zero pictures that contain all four of us. And we sure as heck didn’t get a chance to have professional portraits taken. I tell you, it’s been a crazy-busy year.

So what was I to do? Just let it go, right? Suck it up and work with what I have right?

Right.

And

that’s

exactly

what

I did.

My 9 year old decided he would have been unruly during family photos this year. Nice touch!

Love,
Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Should I show the outtakes from this photo shoot?

 

Who Loves to Celebrate a Milestone?

I know I do! Today marks my 1000th Tweet on my Twitter account @MarthaaaFish. Why is it so important to me? I don’t know for sure…

Like most Internet websites, it took me a while to figure out what I was doing without having to ask questions I could easily google (I still don’t know what “Smh” means).

I suppose I just like numbers that sound big. 1000 sounds pretty nice and fancy and it took me quite a while to get up that high. I promise I didn’t just Tweet away in one word sentences. I did my best to make each Tweet meaningful by either talking about my kids, asking questions that I genuinely wanted answers to, answering questions with silly answers (as I often do in real life), joining in Twitter parties never to win a single thing, and, of course, sharing my posts.

I didn’t know I would like Twitter this much. So, to make things fun, I told my kids I was going to post something extra special and very Martha-like (in my best Phineas voice, I said, “Kids, I know what we’re gonna do today.”)

I have posted in the past about our love for Webkinz. I included comments about the ridiculous amount of Webkinz we have. In fact, I think I quoted us at about 60+ Webkinz. Well, I was wrong.

So here’s what we did to be weird and celebrate the Milestone that is the 1000th Tweet!

We held a little event that we shall call, “WEBKINZ ACROSS THE STAIRCASE”.

Think Hands Across America minus the donations, T-shirts, and opposable thumbs. It was May 25th, 1986. Yes, I was there. Were you? Where? I was in Whittier, California. Oh, I digress…

We have way too many Webkinz by the way and, let me remind you, we (the parents) did not purchase ALL of them. They have been gifts, garage sale picks, and allowance buys as well.

So, what happens when you want to gather an insane amount of Webkinz for one special event in one location at the same time? Apparently… you organize them first. That’s what the boys decided. So, before we share our WATS event photos with you. Let me first share the breakdown of the categories (in no particular order).

• 7 Cats
• 10 Dogs
• 6 Wild Cats (to include cheetahs, tigers and lions)
• 1 Snake
• 8 Birds (numerous breeds)
• 3 Climbers (mammals of the climbing nature)
• 8 Burrowers (Webkinz of the digging nature)
• 3 Bears (LOL, that’s kinda funny)
• 9 Fantasy Webkinz (meaning Zingoz, Dragons, Zums and such)
• 4 Reptiles or Amphibians
• 2 Cows
• 6 Random Mammals (to include Anteaters, Porcupines, and a Signature Red Panda named HotStuff)
• 1 Fish (we shall call him Swimmy)
• 2 Monkeys (oh, opposable thumbs!)
• 3 Hippos (a family)
• 3 Pigs (another family)
• 2 Elephants
• 3 Arctic Sea Mammals
• And a Blue Rhino in a Pear Tree

WHEW! Now, don’t grab a calculator. I’ve done the math for you. This totals up to 82 Webkinz. Other than the pounds of Legos we own, I don’t think we have a collection of items greater than this in the house.

So, after the boys were done with the Classification of Webkinz, they finally helped me line everyone up and take pictures to celebrate Mommy’s 1000th Tweet about being a mom with two crazy boys, one hilarious husband, an old farting dog, and two freakishly cute Geckos.

ENJOY!

It all started with this Alley Cat – FUZZY

Cats and Dogs

Nite-Nite Puppy isn’t one of the 82, but he’s family to us.

Working their way down

This is ridiculous!

The Google Family

Taking pictures of their collection

We’re running out of stairs!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

This is the end of the line…

Okay guys, Party’s over!

The after party was a little wild.

Do I have too much time on my hands? MAYBE

Did my kids have fun? YES

Will I do it again at 2000 Tweets? NO… but I’m sure I’ll think of something…

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

What I Told Judy Blume

Dancing a *Happy Dance* for @Scholastic wasn’t too terrible. Especially since I only surrendered still photos. But if you’re wondering what my deal was with Judy Blume, I’m about to confess it now. When I was a kid, I read “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing”, “Superfudge”, and “Fudge-a-mania”. These are books that, of course, I can’t get rid of and my 8 year old has already enjoyed them as well. When @rachelvailbooks tweeted that she’d be having a live phone conversation with Judy Blume via Book Talk Nation, I was intrigued. What happened next can only be blamed on my sentimental attachment to literature.

@rachelvailbooks then asked this question on Twitter: “What did you learn from @judyblume’s books?”

And for some insane reason I answered with this: “lol, many things + where to pee when the bathroom was occupied!”

This started a short series of me explaining to Rachel Vail and, for some crazy reason including, @judyblume about how one of her books gave me the idea to pee in my grandma’s kitchen sink.

Yes, it’s true. But this is my blog, so I get to explain myself.

First of all, I told Rachel Vail that I thought the book I read it in was “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing” but I double checked, and it was actually “Superfudge”.

In the book, protagonist Peter Hatcher comes home from school with the strong need to use the restroom. His little brother, Fudge, is already occupying the toilet in a slow manner, causing Peter to actually consider peeing in a house plant.

The difference between Peter and I? Fudge finishes just in time and Peter doesn’t have to pee in an undesignated receptacle.

So here’s my side of my story. The same one I had to tell my 8 year old when he could not BELIEVE I would ever pee in a kitchen sink.

When I was young, I spent summer days at my grandparents house while my mother was at work. On one particular day, I had been playing at my friend’s house but was sent home when she had to leave with her mother to run errands. I casually walked across the street to my grandparents mobile home with all intentions to use the restroom. As I walked into the house, I could see the bathroom door was closed and I knew that my grandpa was already in there. Here’s the thing, my poor grandpa had suffered from a stroke years before and, since I can remember, he had always had difficulty walking and he moved slowly. If he had to use the restroom, he would usually give you a warning so you could hit the head before he got there, because he knew he’d be a while. Well, I had no idea when he had gone in because I just got there and I had no idea how long he would be in there. I decided not to bother him and simply hold it in till he was done. I never had the heart to knock and rush him. But usually, when you have it in your head that you have to go, it’s impossible to think about anything else. I started pacing the house and crossing my legs as I walked. I began to sweat. And then panic set in. It was then that I thought of, my hero, Peter Hatcher and his brilliant idea. My worry was that the small plants in the house would never contain enough room for how much I had to go. I really just needed somewhere to sit. And then I thought of the sink! I mean, it’s similar to a toilet bowl, it has a drain, it can be “flushed” in a sense, and it goes to the sewer. I was a kid! It was all very clear then.

Here’s what I knew. My grandmother was out at the grocery store and, if my grandpa finished up in the restroom, I would still have plenty of time between the sound of the flush and the time it would take him to wash his hands. So, YES, I did climb up on the sink, use it as a potty, and YES I ran scalding hot water and squirted half the dish soap down with it. I even ran the disposal which, looking back, wasn’t necessary.

It’s not my proudest moment but I knew, from then on out, what my Plan B was for the summer. Luckily for me, I never had to do it again.

Did I ever tell my grandma? NO!

Did I ever tell my mom? NO!

Did I tell Judy Blume and Rachel Vail? YES!

So after spilling the beans to two complete strangers and the world of Twitter, there was only one thing I could do:

I took advantage of an opportunity. I asked Rachel Vail if she could ask Judy Blume if the Peter Hatcher-Plant-Pee incident was based on true events.

Why not?
I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Love,
Marthaaaaaaa

 

I Kid You Not: What? Really? Cool!

While driving the three minutes it takes to get from my house to pick up my 8 year old son from school, I have accepted that this is usually the time of day that, LONG LONG AGO, used to be part of my 4 year old’s nap time. That nap time no longer exists, but the need for the nap still lingers. So, in this three minute cruise, he begins to get rather sleepy and therefore feels the need to avoid the Z’s at all cost. If his gentle attempts to jabber himself awake are ignored, I usually end up with an unreasonable child who chants insanely about how hungry he is. To avoid this at all cost, I found that I have an autopilot that is triggered by the first thing he says in the van. He says, “MOMMY! You know what?” and my brain automatically prepares for a three minute whimsical conversation. But, the amazing thing I just discovered about my autopilot is that there is a PATTERN! If I rotate the responses of “What?, Really?, and Cool!” I can actually survive the sleep-avoidance conversation with my 4 year old, maneuver my vehicle through the school zone safely, and maintain a little extra sanity until Chaos Hour officially begins later in the evening.

Here’s how my last conversation, yesterday, went with the little man:

4yo: MOMMY! You know what?

Me: What?

4yo: Nite-Nite Puppy is on level 10 of Wizard 101. That level is hard!

Me: Really?

4yo: And he is trying to get enough power to defeat the bad guys there.

Me: Cool!

4yo: And you know what?

Me: What?

4yo: He has to fly there!

Me: Really?

4yo: He can fly really high but he has to watch out for the fire!

Me: Cool!

4yo: You know what the kracken is?

Me: What?

4yo: It’s a storm!

Me: Really?

4yo: Nite-Nite Puppy can battle the kracken!

Me: Cool!

4yo: And you know why Nite-Nite Puppy has to do this?

Me: What?

4yo: NO, ask me WHY?

Me: Oh! WHY?

4yo: It’s to beat level 8

Me: Really?

4yo: Well he has to beat Spy Vs. Spy

Me: Cool!

4yo: You know what Nite-Nite Puppy has to do

Me: What?

4yo: Go to Triton Avenue

Me: Really?

4yo: Well, you know, Nite-Nite Puppy is at fire level.

Me: Cool!

4yo: Fire level is hard. And you know what?

Me: What?

4yo: I’m really hungry. I think I need a snack.

Me: O.K.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa