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This is maybe definitely about avocados

As I mentioned, bitmoji are the greatest thing since sliced bread. There’s no better way to express how you feel through texts than with a caricature of yourself carrying the ambiance of sarcasm that you might naturally show when speaking IRL (in real life). See how saavy I am? I might even be able to hold a two minute conversation with my teenager through text! 

Me: Where are you?

Teen: Upstairs

Me: IRL?

Teen: SMH

Me: Coming up, one Sandwich with Mayo and Ham! I love you, son! ­čÖé

Anyhow, before I can even introduce you to the realm of what #squadvocadogoals is, you have to understand that name games are of great entertainment value to my family (See The Pistachio Game). They might be the glue that keeps us from strangling each other on road trips.

There’s a new name game in town and I have cleverly named it The Avocado Game, patent pending. The rules are similar to The Pistachio Game, however, you now have a new variety of both prefixes and suffixes to tinker with.

When it came to the #squadvocadogoals, 10 names had to be transformed. Two of the names were spelled differently but both could have ended up Christacado/Kristecado so I morphed their last names instead. You’ll see…

Had my name been on the list, I’d be Marthacado. Remember that I am not responsible for foul language that results from any Name Game you decide to participate in. I highly discourage sweetening up your mom by calling her Mothercado. It may not end how you imagined. You might want to use the prefix instead: Avomama. A couple prefix morph options include:

Cassandra – Avosandra, if she doesn’t prefer Cassacado

If my name was Ricardo, I’d prefer Avocardo over Ricarcado.
Use of these Avocado names may require a specific skill set:

Preston (if you’re a magician)

Ann (if you’re a snake handler)

Stockton (if you’re a skilled fencer)

And of course be considerate of specific names:

Ava (because it’s probably a joke she’s never heard before…)

Before you can find out why The Avocado Game is soooooo important to #squadvocadogoals, go forth and practice the game.

In the mean time, I’m going to put avocados on my son’s SMH and then start writing about where the #squadvocadogoals originated.

Love, 

Marthaaaaaaaa!!!!

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Posted by on June 2, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Tip of the Momma 2 U: Stick’em Here, Stick’em There, Stick’em Just ‘Bout Everywhere

If the people at Walmart offered my 4 year old kid a sticker one more time, I imagined him saying, “It’s like I told the lady before you and the guy before her and the guy before him… I DON’T WANT A STICKER!”

And so I dread going in there every time because I’m sure it will be the last straw for him.

But he surprised me last week when he politely said “no”, making the moment awkward once again. But for the first time he sensed that it was awkward, and politely accepted the little blue and yellow sticker after all. Of course, he just stuffed it in his pocket and I tossed it before it ended up ruining another shirt.

But my kids really do like stickers. They even have their favorites…

But, I used to dread stickers, slumping my shoulders every time they picked one from a prize basket or received one for not bolting during an immunization. I would make stickers disappear frequently and LIE to my kids that I had no idea what they did with them.

Here’s why:

You know you’ve seen this before: A car window with about 15 to 20 backsides of stickers and about 3 of those stickers partially pulled off (just to see if it’s worth the effort), and you either dread the day your kid will discover stickers or you’ve declared that that will NEVER be you. But it’s one of those battles that you really just don’t want to pick when “picking your battles”.

So, I’ve already enforced the rules stating stickers may not be stuck in the following places:

A book

The wall

In/On the car

On toys

On appliances & electronics

On furniture

In your brother’s hair (or any person’s hair for that matter)

The dog

Yeah, all the FUN places kids want to stick stickers.

So where then can I stick my stickers mommy?

On paper

On the front of your shirt

On the top of your hand

Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

But my kids do love stickers. And I love stickers! They are a form of expression and sometimes worth a laugh or a smile:

The Tip of the Momma 2 U:

So let’s go back to the “No sticking stickers on Furniture” rule.

We have a tall bookcase we purchased at Target and one side of it faces my sons room. This is the ONE piece of furniture that the kids can stick their most treasured of stickers. All stickers that are not bookcase worthy must abide by the previous rules, eventually ending up in the garbage. Deal with it.

Eventually we will run out of room on it and I just may rearrange the room to expose the other side of it and we can start filling up that side.

Now U Tip Me:

Let me know (if you allow it) where your kids stick their stickers permanently. I may need it once the bookcase is covered.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tip of the Momma 2 U: Game of Names

There’s a new game that I must speak of! Well, it’s not that new. To be honest, I invented it. This makes it so easy to speak of.

In my family (the only people who have ever played it), we call it the Pistachio game. Apparently, I’ve been spelling Pistachio wrong in my head my whole life.

If you have travelled this summer, don’t be mad that you missed out on it. If you have yet to set off on a long adventure, this is a fantastic new game. Don’t forget about it! Although it will likely only be fun once with the same people, it may arise and even mutate at another point in time.

The Pistachio game is simple, requires zero game pieces (and therefore no purchase), and  requires some phonics knowledge and sometimes phonics disregard. The more people you know who were born in the 90’s, the more fun this can be.

It goes as so: Choose a name. Starting with someone in your presence is pretty common. Don’t pick the most easily offended until that person is obviously enjoying the game. You simply take the first syllable of a person’s name and add on to it the end of the word Pistachio. Now, say their new name with natural fluency.

For example: If my friend’s name is Bella, I announce to her that her name would now be Bel-achio. Pronounced: Bell-ash-ee-oh.

Doesn’t sound that great, does it?

However, it’s awesome if you know a kid named Jordan! Jordachio! Pronounced: Jor-dash-ee-oh!

Some names have multiple options. If my dog’s name is Eli (which it is), I can choose to call him Eliachio or Eachio. Pronounced: Ee-ly-ash-ee-oh or Ee-ash-ee-oh.

Don’t be silly and say that it should be pronounced Each-ee-oh. That’s how mutations of the game get started. Then, if it’s not funny, blame yourself.

Once you have gone through everyone present, start to think of people you know and love and morph their names! Once you run out of all the people you know and love, think of all the people who you’d love to call by their Pistachio names to their face. Mr. Bossachio! (Note: adding formal titles before Pistachio names is A- o.k.!)

Once you’ve gone through everyone you know. Start thinking of names of people you wish you knew.

Examples:

I’ve yet to meet someone named Susan. I would call her Susachio. Pronounced: Sooz-ash-ee-oh.

or What if we knew a guy named Buster? He would certainly let us call him Bustachio! Pronounced: Bust-ash-ee-oh.

or How about Mr. D? We would call him Mr. Dachio! Pronounced: Miss-tur-dash-ee-oh. If you said Miss-TURD-ash-ee-oh, you may be entering a mutation game. Watch it!

This is a super fun game! It has the potential to provide the first half hour of fun on your cross country trip.

Share your experiences with me if you can name names! Tell me if “Pistachio” is the best word to morph with.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for mutations of the game “The Pistachio Game” or discoveries of names added to Pistachio that result in curse words.

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Stranger Things Have Happened All The Time

I got a job! You can tell because I stopped writing. If you know me, you know that I love to talk and/or write. I’m finally a teacher and, in this profession, it’s like being a stand up comedian when ever you feel the whimsy. I can’t get into the politics of teaching (I just ate lunch), but I will tell you that it is the most entertaining job I’ve ever had. I thought my own kids were funny by DNA. I even used to say “You’re welcome” when I thought they knocked it out of the park.

It turns out, kids are just hilarious. I watch my youngest, now 7, at karate and I hope to cheese and rice that no one thinks I’m laughing at their kids. Sometimes I get tears in my eyes and pretend I’m crying with pride rather than laughing at a whole bunch of kids just being kids. That’s how it should be.

Pause the digression… back to catching up.

I got a job. I love my job. We have lost our dear Jake (the old man black lab) and our two awesome geckos in the years that have passed. We now have an Australian Cattle Dog and a Cattle Dog/Border Collie Mix. Both of them are blue. Yes, I cannot put my black slacks on until I walk out the door to go to work.

The kids are growing as fast as I can’t stand. The older one is a Tweenager and the youngest is almost 8. I deal with a middle schooler. I deal with my husband dealing with a middle schooler. I also deal with an 8 year old dealing with a middle schooler. I deal with a middle schooler dealing with being a middle schooler.

Somehow, after 14 password history guesses, I got into my blog account and now I feel the whimsy to write. This could be fun. I might find the time. Blord knows I still have just as many insane moments to write about now as I have in the past. The new school year is getting ready to start and I might just find the time to write a little diddy now and then.

It’s like I said, “Stranger Things Have Made Breakfast on Tuesday Dog Park”.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tip of the Momma 2 U: Tired of Flash Cards?

I don’t know how some people do it, how they study for a test with flash cards. Kudos to those who can.

I am not one of those people. And I realize that my child is semi-responsive to that method of learning.

In my son’s third grade class they are starting to learn multiplication facts. Starting soon, those who miss two or less on their test each week will receive a pop. A little drink I still like to refer to as Soda.

My son will just DIE if he doesn’t get a Soda each week. At least that’s how he acts about it. But I’m happy to see that he’s motivated. He doesn’t get to drink soda at home and very rarely at restaurants, so I have no gripes about it, as long as he doesn’t have the opportunity to down it just before I pick him up from school.

So, back to the flash cards. Years ago, before my child was even a twinkle in my eye, I knew that a game of Jenga existed in which the blocks were modified with dares and tasks written on each block for a drinking game. Tsk, tsk, and shame on people for taking such an innocent game and turning it into a beverage consumption game. Heh.

Anyhow, taking that concept (which my children will never hear of… from me) I came up with a fun way to go over the multiplication facts and not lose my mind with the redundancy of flipping cards while my kid answers back dryly and then we shuffle and do it for four more minutes. By the way, bless his teacher’s heart for at least providing the flash cards for us. If I had to make them, I might cry.

Alright, enough whining from me. The bottom line is that, there are adults and children who do not learn well from flash cards.

So here’s my Tip of the Momma 2 U: Any brand of this tower game can be purchased and used as a teaching tool. Our particular tower was for Multiplication facts. Here’s how it works:

Take one tower containing 48 blocks. Write a multiplication question on each of the two widest sides of each block with a sharpie pen. I was able to write all facts of 1’s through 9’s multiplying by 1 – 10. With the remaining blank spots I wrote things such as “Count by 3’s to 30” or “0 X any number” (in which the child would reply “equals zero”).

Have a print up of the Multiplication Facts Table nearby in case there’s a discrepancy about the answer and also so your child can easily test him/herself.

You can play this game like a typical game of Jenga where you try not to topple the tower. My son decided to construct another tower with his correctly answered blocks.

Another idea: Place them in a bag or basket and randomly pick them out to answer.

If you have littler ones who are learning to read or spell, try one of these:

Write common sight word on the blocks

Write tasks such as “Say a word that starts with C” and put the whole alphabet in the game

That’s not all, right? Give me some more ideas!

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

The Little Blogger That Could… And Will

I’m losing a little sleep tonite because I just volunteered for the opportunity to write my first review type blog entry!

The best part? I get to go to a really cool place. I’m welcome to take my children. I can even bring my husband!

I’ve never done this before…

There are no real rules, except that I get to go to this cool place and then all I have to do is write about it on my blog, twitter and/or facebook. That’s not a big deal, right?

In fact, it should be so easy because I KNOW I will love this place and what it has to offer on this occasion.

But here’s what was keeping me up:

I don’t want to ramble on about how much I really, really, really like this place. And how I really, really, really enjoyed what they had there.

I want to be helpful, real, and honest. Am I over-thinking this? YES. Might I write this and all of it fall on zero ears anyway? MAYBE. But what if it doesn’t?

So I had to dig deep to discover my method of determining how to write my review. And I found it!

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When I go anywhere or do anything with my kids and I recommend it to my very best friend, I first tell her how much my kids did or did not like it. That’s all it takes to pass on a good recommendation to another parent: Pretend you’re telling your best friend. You wouldn’t steer your best friend wrong, right?

So when I tell my best friend what I thought of something, I first tell her from the perspective of each of my kids. My boys can be pretty complicated and mature about certain things, but when it comes to liking an activity, their thoughts are simple and to the point. If one of my boys wrote a review, it would likely be a brief rating, one they would remember the next time I told them they were going to go to or do it again.

I have two boys. Right now they are 9 and 4. Now, if you have, say girls, the opinion of boys might not be of help, but you could certainly use their opinion as a reference point. Let’s say you do have boys, but they are neither 9 nor 4, you can at least imagine how they were or will be at one of these ages. What I can give you straight is my opinion, as a parent, based on the reactions of my children to the event and how happy it made me.

Now take the word “Happy”. I still vow to only tell you how much I liked something. When it comes to posting about my opinion on the Internet, I abide by the motto of Thumper’s mommy: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. (Unless of course it’s dangerous or disgusting). That’s just me though. I still depend heavily on hardcore, no holds barred, opinions and reviews to make many decisions.

Below is the rating scale for each of my children which, in turn, determines my happiness as a parent. They are dubbed by each child’s nickname. On a scale of 5 to 1, 5 would be the best possible scenario this mother could ask for. Each rating is based on actual words my children have used to clue me in on their honest opinion.

The E.E. Muck Muck Rating (Our 9 year old son)

5 – Do we have to go home?

4 – I can’t wait to tell my friends!

3 – Where are we going next week?

2 – Can I play your phone?

1 – Can we leave now?

The Turkey Rating (Our 4 year old son)

5 – I don’t wanna go home!

4 – I can’t wait to tell Nite-Nite Puppy!

3 – Did you bring me a snack?

2 – Can I play your phone?

1 – This is BOOOOR-ing!

I, myself, do not have a rating system. My satisfaction with a place, item, or experience is cut and dry. I either lose my mind or I don’t. As long as my kids are happy, I don’t lose my mind. And as long as I don’t lose my mind, I will have something nice to say. Call me a Positive Percy, but I want readers to want a great experience. If necessary, I’ll even throw in a tip or two on how to make you’re experience better than mine.

My first review comes out next month and I hope you’ll check it out. If your child has a rating scale, I’d like to know what it is!

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Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

Is Martha Fish Gone?

Just a couple of people have outright asked this but the answer is no. Just in case you, too, were wondering. 

Although I disappear randomly, I’ve been coming back for over 7 years now. This last intermission was due to the holidays. I still have one more week of refereeing my children then it’s back to working out my New Year’s Resolution plan, writing my brains out, and Keeping up with the Kardanshians. Well, let’s change out the latter with Reading. I’m devoting this year to reading and a LOT more writing. Of course, there are┬áthe responsibilities that life brings, but writing and reading is easily inspired by the people around me and if I can get them involved, I can make it seem less me-focused.

My kids love to read. Sadly for my 9 year old, he gets car sick if he attempts to read even a comic strip, but he’ll do it anyway with the windows down in 17 degree weather. The 4 year old is currently reading “Bad Kitty” books and checking my grocery list each week to see if he approves of the snacks. Why was I in such a hurry for him to read?

I am devoted to reading to my kids every other night of the week. If they want my attention, they know to bring a book with them. If they want to stay up just a little later, I merely have to walk in on them reading a book and I am putty in their hands.

This year we are going to take on a reading challenge I found out about by following @BethFishReads on Twitter.

Check out the details here—>┬á┬áhttp://www.bethfishreads.com/2011/11/whats-in-name-5-sign-up.html

The challenge consists of reading 6 books this year from 6 different title categories. The terms of the titles are predetermined for you, all you have to do is get creative and find books that fall into the catergories.

Then what?

READ!

If you find yourself asking people what you should read next, this could be a great way to find some great titles. What intrigued me first was the challenge in finding the qualifying titles. My kids will love that!

Click on the link and you’ll see that I’ve already signed up and commented that my boys will be taking the challenge on as well. I hope you’ll follow along with us as we post our picks and our reviews of our picks. For my children’s sake of experience, we will utilize the library as much as possible. Since I am a collector of books (more on that this year), I am sure we will end up purchasing our favorites and those we cannot find in our library’s collection.

In between this challenge I will still have my same old Marthaaaaa posts of life and family, because without those posts I’m am only reading and this year is my writing year.

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

P.S. I hope you’ll consider taking on the challenge as well. And if you do, I wanna know the titles you pick! So let me know if you sign up and write reviews so I can follow you back. If you just do it in your own private time, I still want to know what titles you would or do pick.

 

 
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Posted by on January 3, 2012 in Uncategorized