It’s been many years since I first wrote The Mother’s First Encyclopedia to Stains but now it’s time to address another topic that I am noticing more and more since we now live in a house that has all white doors and all white cabinets. When I go through my cleaning routine each week, I am always reminded that not only do my two boys reside in this house but approximately 4 other boys occupy our house for the 24 active hours of each weekend.
This week, while I was cleaning the boys’ bathroom, I noticed that the lightswitch and both drawers underneath the sink were totally covered in black fingerprints. Some of the fingerprints in this house are colorful, some are crispy and some are sticky. But what they all have in common is that they come from boys. So, I’m just gonna go right into all the places in my house where I can expect to find these little genetic pieces of artwork:
Back of Chairs That My Children Sit in at a Meal – This comes from dismounting the chair and pushing it in only to THEN finally wipe their hands on their napkins before asking to be excused.
Cabinets – Only those containing cups and plates.
Doorknobs – Duh
Drawers – Mainly the toothbrush and hairbrush drawers and especially the spoon drawer as needed for the occasional scoop of peanut butter.
Gecko Tank – From all the kids who come to watch our Geckos’ feeble attempts at hunting crickets.
Jeans of the children – Who am I kidding? This comes from dismounting the chair and pushing it in only to THEN finally wipe their hands on their clothes before asking to be excused.
Kitchen Counter – Usually from the 4 year old grabbing hold to pull himself up and see what it is I’m doing and can he have a bite because he is STARVING.
Light Switches – Should I tell my kids to wash their hands before turning the lights on and going to the restroom? I’d rather clean the switch plate than the mess that could occur if one of my boys has to use to the restroom in urgency but first must run warm water all over their hands.
Long Windows on the Outside of Either Side of My Front Door – From the adorable little guy across the street who comes to, literally, see who can play by pressing his face on the glass. Or from my son who needs me to let him back in after I lock him out to play.
Mommy’s Pants Anytime Baking is Involved – All food is an art media, why not draw on mommy’s butt? It’s a Canvas! (Canvass?)
Sliding Glass Door – Rarely are the prints here from kids. These prints are the “fingerprints” of a dog’s nose. A BOY dog. The black lab smears his prints from left to right as that nutty squirrel on the peak of the neighbor’s roof heckles him each morning.
Stainless Steel Fridge, Stove, Dishwasher and Microwave – I just don’t understand the need to touch every clean spot on the appliances only on the day after I clean them.
The Keys of My Laptop – This is what I get for giving them a snack while they play on my computer.
The Little Mouse Well on My Laptop – This is what I get for giving them a snack while they play on my computer.
The Screen of My Laptop – This is what I get for giving them a snack while they play on my computer.
The Screen of My Lifeline (iPhone) – This irks me the most because not only does it feels like a brillo pad, but then I have to put it on my face to make a phone call. Ewwww.
Toilet Flush Handle – This is why I ALWAYS wash my hands before leaving the restroom.
Toilet Lids – Just on the edge.
TV Screen – Okay Dora. Now stop asking my kid where he sees Swiper!
Windows of My Van – From fish faces on the inside to peeky faces from the outside. And don’t forget the urge to draw smiley faces and write “Clean Me” on the hatch window.
The Xbox Power Button and The Xbox Controllers (and any video game we own for that matter) – Duh
In all Fairness, here are the places I will never find these adorable fingerprints in my house:
The Vaccuum Cleaner
The Kitchen Sink
The Toilet Scrubber
The Washer or Dryer
I know there’s more. YOU know there’s more. Share, share and share some more.
The Mother’s First Encyclopedia to Missing Gloves and Socks
The Mother’s First Encyclopedia to Flecks of Spit