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Ask Marthaaa: He’s A Keeper

05 Dec

Via my facebook page Robin asked me this question:

Marthaa- are you still giving advice??? I have a 4 year old who wrote the things he was thankful for… One being GIRLS? Already at age 4? Am I in trouble or what? 🙂 He also drew a picture. We won’t go into that on Facebook. HELP!

Dear Robin,

Of course I’m still giving advice! If you ask me a question, it’s like lighting a fuse. So let’s get started before I explode.

There are several things that we can credit with making our little boys adore little girls at the age of 4. I hope you took my temporary advice to avoid letting your 4 year old watch The Lifetime Movie Channel, Soap Operas and the feature film “The Little Rascals”.

Another great reason you shouldn’t let kids come across The Lifetime Movie Channel? They will think every future roomate will want to steal their life and therefore may never go to college or move out of your house.

I was surprised that you mentioned this to me:

His Grandpa Phil loves the Lifetime Channel; so could it be hereditary? True Story. (Phil really watches it all the time- which is really funny if you know Phil to think he watches Lifetime….) But that is a whole other family issue. 🙂

I absolutely feel that the cause of your troubles could be hereditary. However, in the tradition of Nature vs. Nurture, you and your husband must be prepared to take some responsibility. Don’t try to pawn it all off on the sappy, innocent Grandpa.

So, instead of just assuming I know what’s going on in the head of your sweet little Don Juan of a child. I’m going to give you a few options. Then you pick the one you think applies to you. Then you can try out some counter tactics and see if we can get Romeo back on track until the next round hits. Which, believe it or not, is just around the corner.

Scenario 1: You and your husband are too loveable in front of your impressionable son.

Try This: You and your husband stage a loving hug and kiss when you greet eachother each evening. After you leave the room, Daddy should go to the kitchen sink and wash his hands and face. He then says to your son, “Where does mommy keep the cootie syrup?” Then he should gargle with Listerine.

Scenario 2: If your son is in the stage where he is competing with your husband to become Alpha Male, he may be looking to sublty let your husband know that there’s a new Rooster in the Coop.

Try This: This is when your husband surrenders, tells your son he’s the man in charge, and then hands him the pooper scooper. He says to your son, “Part of being the man of the house is doing what the woman tells you to.” Reverse Psychology is an amazing tactic. Then see how many girls your son can’t wait to marry.

Scenario 3: I’m curious to know if talk of Santa came just before this letter. If your son has a sister, the number one rule to staying on Santa’s good side is being nice to your siblings. Just until Christmas is over. Have you considered that maybe your son is a Seasonal Santa Brown-Noser by declaring love for ALL little girls? There’s no doubt my 4 year old son is a SSBN. Every time he fights with his brother, then has to say sorry and give him a hug, he then asks in a desperate voice, “When is CHRISTMAS already?”

Try This: There’s no solution here. Take advantage of his pretend adoration for little girls for the next 20-something days.

Scenario 4: Your son thinks girls are the bees knees. His favorite girls remind him of mommy. He already knows who he wants to take to prom. He would get married today if you let him.

Try This: Give your son a dollar in the form of a hundred pennies. When he holds it in his hands and his eyes light up, take 99 of those pennies away and stick it in a jar labeled, “GIRLS”. Then tell him to be thankful for the 1 penny that he gets to keep. Be careful, this could be a traumatic experience for him. If he starts hiding his allowance you may have to confess that you were only using scare tactics.

Don’t worry, Robin, your son will fall in love with his new favorite girl(s) at the beginning of every school year. We are a powerful force. Soon enough, he will deny thinking any girl is pretty, maybe start a “no girls allowed” club, and ask for his own bottle of “cootie syrup” to keep by his toothbrush (blue gatorade works well for this). In the meantime, you can try these entertaining (and often ineffective) tips to try and avoid a Preschool Marriage Proposal.

And someday, when he’s all growed up and proposes to one very lucky young woman, you can finally run to your scrapbook and show her the things he was thankful for when he was 4. Illustrations and all…

Love,

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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