The Mother’s First Encyclopedia to Stains (4/16/08)

28 Oct

I do my laundry on Thursdays. I take that back. I START my laundry on Thursdays. And by Sunday I have most of those clothes in their assigned rooms. Sometimes, by Monday, they are actually in the drawers and closets in which they belong. For some reasons never previously specified… I HATE LAUNDRY! In the first 25 years of my life I never once needed a stain remover and it took me under two hours to get all my laundry done (when my mommy wasn’t doing it for me anymore). When my first son was born, stain remover became a staple in the home and laundry was completed in under two days. Now, as a full time mom in charge of the household laundry for four residents, I have become accustomed to my own technique of getting the grueling task done…

 I think the last time my husband did all the laundry by himself was about 4 years ago. This is not to say he doesn’t help, but explaining to him why it sucks to do laundry for four people all by yourself is only best illustrated in alphabetical order of stains. Because of these stains, I have to not only sort laundry by specific temperature, but I have to go through and sort by it’s potential of having a stain on it. And if he thinks this is only limited to the children’s clothing, well then he’s lost his damn mind. But my husband is an understanding person and would rather not complain than claim that he could do it better… thus leading me to let him prove it. So each Thursday I stand in the laundry room, stain remover trigger in hand, tumbleweeds of lint balls rolling by and I face my nemesis in a four-day duel. Keep in mind that I have only one baby and a five year old, so specific household stains may vary with numbers and possibly even genders. And please note that I decided not to include the stains our dog and cat can contribute.

Diaper Leaks
Baby Clothes – From the waist down. In some instances all up the backside.
Adults Clothes – Around the waist of any shirt or blouse. On the sleeve where the elbow bends and baby butts usually rest when held. On the thigh area of pants.

Milk Spills
Baby Clothes – Around the chest area and on the legs.
5-Year-Old’s Clothes – Around the chest area and on the front of the pants where a pool of milk drips off the table into the lap. Check the bottoms of the pants too for those spills that hit the ground and bounce up.

Nose Wipes
5-Year-Old’s Clothes – From the shoulder down to the wrist and also the bottom of the shirt that can be brought up to the face.
Adult clothes – On the shoulder from holding a crying child who decides to utilize shirt as a Kleenex as well as all the way around the waist of shirts. Also check the thighs of pants for signs of the shorter child.

Outdoor Related Stains – Grass, Dirt, Puddles, Bird Poop
5-Year-Old’s Clothes – Special attention to the knees, bottoms of pants and the backside.
Bird Poop is added for those days at the local T-ball game when your kid picks the only spot on the bleachers that has been hit.

Pee Leaks
On the pants of any male living in the house.

Baby Clothes – See “Spit Up”
5-Year-Olds Clothes – Depends on the type of puking that took place. Check everywhere in the case of projectile vomiting.

School Related Stains – Paint, Markers, Crayons, Juice
5-Year-Olds clothes – The shirt sleeves where the child rests his arms on the table, the front side of the shirt where the child wiped his hands and the sides of the pants where the child finished the job.

Spit Up
Baby Clothes – On the front side for dribbles and on the knees where baby has crawled through after spitting up.
Adults clothes – On the front of shirts as well as the sleeves and down the back. Also check front of pants.
5-Year-Older sibling clothes – For those times he/she decided to let the baby crawl across him and was dropped a surprise mid-crawl.

Sticky Cheerios
Baby Clothes – Anywhere on the baby clothes. Especially on the bottomside. How they get here I still have yet to investigate.

Wet Farts
Do I really need to go there?

If you have more laundry battles to share just click on the link below that says: Post a Comment. (All postings are screened for appropriate content).


1 Comment

Posted by on October 28, 2011 in Uncategorized


One response to “The Mother’s First Encyclopedia to Stains (4/16/08)

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