How Doorknobs Saved My Sanity (10/8/11)

28 Oct

I just went shopping for doorknobs. Let me give a few facts about our new home. It’s quaint, older, in a great neighborhood, and has everything a family of four could ask for. However, we are not the first owners. I counted our doorknobs today. There are 18 total doors in our house with doorknobs. 16 of those doors are interior doors. 6 of those interior doors have locks on them. Only 1 of those 6 doors has a lock that works. That door is to the main floor bathroom.

Let me tell you why only 1 out of 16 interior doors locks in this house. Apparently, the previous owners chose to update the look of the house by spray-painting the gold doorknobs upstairs with silver spraypaint. We found this out at inspection and decided to let it go as we were in a time crunch and had bigger fish to fry. The only problem? They spraypainted every turning lock as well so that they no longer turn or function as locking knobs. The bigger problem? Guess where I get all my privacy in a house of 3 males. I love my family but even they know that I would enjoy shaving my legs, waxing my face, using the restroom, and putting on my clothes in complete privacy. I’m a girl dammit!

So on the day of the weekend that my husband took the kids to soccer and urged me to avoid cleaning, organizing, washing clothes, looking over grade school homework and brushing the dog, I could not decide what I wanted to do with my sanity time. I felt terrible anxiety leaving the house a mess and knowing that it’s just waiting for us when we come back. I can’t be the only one who has ever felt this way. I know that we sometimes need to just let it go and enjoy ourselves, but it’s hard sometimes.

Once I was done at least tidy-ing up I had to make my decision. There were plenty of places to go: the mall, the local coffee shop, a library. There were plenty of things to do (although it’s raining and I already went for a run): write, read, sew, shop, eat. But that first push out the door was rough. I really needed to do something that would be an instant relief to the current worries on my mind. So I went shopping – as I said, for doorknobs. I just google’d “Who Invented The Doorknob?” Try it. Thank you to the person who did because without doorknobs (specifically, doorknobs with locks), I might be a zombie. I might mutter classic phrases like Goldie Hawn in “Overboard”. I might cry for no reason (more than once a week). I didn’t purchase the doorknobs, but merely picked out a style and priced them. I’m a step closer.

It’s been said that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. When I had locking doorknobs, I had power. I had privacy on the spot. If you’re like me, you would like to avoid admitting to your children that you do the hippity for as long as possible. If you’re not like me in that aspect, I applaud you. I’m not here to make anyone blush or puke, but part of being a grown up, and a spouse with children, is being able to kindle romance in the marriage. Romance in marriage can lead to extra kindness in life which, in turn, can lead to a great influence on your children and hopefully they take that with them in their marriages.

With locking doorknobs we can also let our family members know that we need privacy, a moment, or just the ability to keep our smells and sounds confined until we have a chance to spray. I will admit that I was an only child growing up. We had one non-locking bathroom and that was good enough for me cause the toilet was behind the door and I could use my foot as a doorstop. I can’t claim to know what it’s like sharing with brothers and sisters, but I do feel that if the knobs were initially intended to lock, I could at least expect my bedroom and my bathroom door to lock. I also feel a need to provide a lock on our guest bedroom door so that my children don’t wake up at the crack of dawn and stare at our guests as they sleep until they are ready to get up and start the day.

So, upon “window shopping” for doorknobs and then taking the time to vent about my knob frustrations, I am back to 50% sanity and when we install the knobs next weekend I will ring the bell at 99.9% and maybe next time I’ll go shopping for some toe socks.


Lookie what I got... I'm at 100%!


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Posted by on October 28, 2011 in Uncategorized


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